June 3rd 2025
Beats me! Probably something if it keeps happening.
The subject of death is something I have found myself returning to very often. I occasionally meditate and find that when I do, it tends to naturally creep up. The thought also serves as an unconventional method to calm me down if I ever find myself spiralling. It’s easier to step back and see the bigger picture when I remind myself that all is very temporary. My struggles are a microscopic blip on the radar; my life, one only infinitesimally bigger in size.
I’ve never considered myself someone who is particularly afraid of death. For whatever reason, when I think on this, I attribute it to not having been very close to death myself, even though I know this isn’t true. I’ve had some close encounters and I’m eternally thankful to still be around. Despite this, I find the idea of an eventual eternal rest and shutting down of the mind to be very comforting. It conjures up the smell of mulch.
I like the smell of mulch.
This comfort with an end has only served to make greater my appreciation for life. What a joy to be able to share and experience so many things! Learning, love, food, friends, happiness, uhhh swimming! And life itself, with all beings who experience it!
My body is made up of the same stuff that everything else around me is made of. Organic and inorganic. I’m made of cells, I’m made of metals, I’m made of proteins, I’m made of minerals. I’m made of stuff that was other stuff before me and I’m made of stuff that’ll be other stuff after me. Everything I am and will be is borrowed.
Life is just a process, a happy coincidence. At its baseline, it is completely neutral and equal across the board. An ant being stepped on and me getting merked by a semi are functionally the same thing. Both are lives that come to an end. Systems shutting down and matter being returned. This belief has been incredibly important to me. It shapes my view of the world. Staying humble is important and so is keeping my inferiority complex in check.
I feel most at peace when I focus on how inseparable I am from my surroundings. Honestly, I find it hard not to get emotional when I really lend my mind to it. The innate interconnectivity of the world and everything in it is very beautiful to me. It’s a concept that I cherish a lot.
When my brain finally does shut down, I do not believe pearly gates are waiting for me.
Let memories of my good times, my bad times, my falls and my achievements die with those who loved me.
I’ll have been here when I was here.